


Sometimes, at night

by VirtualStar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6870835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirtualStar/pseuds/VirtualStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every now and then, Erwin had what you would call a bout of madness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes, at night

**Author's Note:**

> Not betaed. Probably with a bunch of errors since English is not my language and this is my first AOT fic.

Is not something that happens often, but every once in a while, specially when a mission has been spectacularly bad, with more deaths than usual, Erwin has a bout of, he doesn't know how else to call it, temporary insanity.

He may be relaxing on his room, lying on the bed or completing paperwork and suddenly, his mind starts conjuring scenarios where he runs from all responsibility, he leaves behind the Survey Corps, his quest for the truth of the world, to show everybody that his father was right and for freedom, everything.

He thinks about Levi as well. In his bouts of madness he dreams of taking the man with him; and at this point it doesn't even matter if he was willing or not, Erwin would take him and keep him for himself. Make Levi feel like Erwin is all his world.

The madness turns worse later on bed. Levi is there, sleeping next to him and Erwin fixates on his neck, uncovered, so white but unusually thick for someone so small. It would be just so easy to squeeze, to see the light going out of Levi’s eyes, release him from this wretched world.

He remembers these romance books where the pair of star crossed lovers who can't be together due to circumstances decide to die together, with the hope of being reunited in the next life and he thinks about it. How good it would be if they were just farmers, or artisans, or any other thing except fighters in a war with no end.

It's liberating to think about it, how he would strangle Levi with his own hands and then follow him with a shot of his handgun.

Before he realizes, his hands are sliding up Levi’s torso, towards his neck, softly squeezing, testing the firmness of the skin, feeling how easy would be to press harder.

“Mmm Erwin?” Levi wakes up with the touches that at this point can be still confused with a caress.

Erwin knew he could do it and end it all. He had not only the advantage of surprise but weight as well, Levi wouldn’t be able to fight him.

Levi's pulse is beating under his hands, slow due to sleep but alive. His eyes still a bit glazed with sleep but staring at him, relaxed; not an idea on his head about what Erwin is thinking about.

He releases his hands as if he is burnt. He grabs Levi as quick as he can, holding the smaller man to him, whispering again and again “I’m sorry”. Levi lets him.

After a while he releases one of his hands, caught on Erwin’s full body hug, he touches the commander face making him look at Levi’s face.

“I won’t let you. You will see this to the end, I won’t let you run. But you don’t have to do it by yourself” Levi is still looking at the commander. Calmly, without a trace of fear or anger although Erwin suspects that the captain knows what was on his head.

“Levi, I’m sorry”  
Levi’s answer is a soft kiss on Erwin’s lips, they say “You are forgiven” and “You are not alone” and maybe “I know sometimes you can be as stupid as you are brilliant”. And “I love you”.

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanons, silly fics, drafts and whatnot at my butonceagain.tumblr.com


End file.
